Chapter 40
Mary Louise needed coffee. There was so much going on in her life right now, her brain refused to shut off at any reasonable hour. She could think about Dan for hours. Oh, yes she could. About the few times that they had been together, about what they might do the next time they got together, about how it felt to have his warm, strong arms wrapped around her.
Is this what all of those silly romance novels had been about? She had certainly never felt anything like this with Albert. After that fateful Halloween party and then the New Year’s Eve party so many years ago, she was firmly on his radar. It had taken her years to try and figure out why he had pursued her so hard, and the only conclusion she was ever able to come up with was that she told him no. She might have been the first girl ever to do so. She wasn’t ever the prettiest girl in the room. She certainly wasn’t the one with the most personality. Without intending to, apparently she had become “mysterious.” When the holidays came around and the college kids were in town there were plenty of parties being thrown. Peggy and Madeleine always asked her along, perhaps as their pet project for the new year. The only reason Mary Louise went was in hopes of seeing Justin the Panda again, to which Peggy and Madeleine responded with a resounding “Eeeeww.”
What might have happened if it was Justin she ran into again? What if Justin had broken up with his hoity toity girlfriend? What if it was Justin who had pursued her rather than Albert? This line of thought was pointless. Regrets are like stones thrown into the ocean. The possibility was held in your hand. Right there. Then thrown away, with no way to get it back. She wouldn’t jump into the ocean to chase after a stone. Why was she wasting time on these pointless thoughts?
She was just topping off cup number two with a splash of milk when Carla came shuffling into the kitchen. She took a glass from the cupboard and pressed it against the water dispenser in the door of the refrigerator, yawning, looking all the world like a very little girl.
“How are you feeling?” asked Mary Louise.
“Tired,” said Carla. “Spencer called last night.”
“Oh?” replied Mary Louise. It was the only safe word she could think of.
“Yeah. He apologized about being such a douche about the baby.”
Mary Louise had no idea what this was going to mean for her daughter and newest grandbaby. It was hard to gauge how Carla felt about Spencer’s apology. Mary Louise sipped her coffee, biding her time.
Carla sighed heavily. “He wants me to come back to Seattle.”
Mary Louise’s heart sank. For the past few days she and Carla had been getting along really well with none of the hostility or disdain that had clouded their relationship for so many years. Mary Louise bit back her usual response for such situations, which was “How nice.” It was every southern lady’s wild card, eligible to be played at almost any time except for announcements of death, cancer, or a spouse’s fling with a much younger person.
Mary Louise put on her Cheyenne hat. “How does that make you feel?”
Questions were safe, right? She wasn’t giving her opinion. She wasn’t telling Carla what to do. She wasn’t trying to meddle in her daughter’s affairs.
“Awful. I didn’t really like Seattle, and I don’t much like Spencer, especially after I found out he was cheating on me.”
Mary Louise closed her eyes, gathering her wits. Her daughter was an intelligent, beautiful young woman. What had she ever seen in Spencer?
“Was he cheating before or after you told him about the baby?” asked Mary Louise.
“Both,” said Carla. “My friend Michelle who worked with us told me after I gave my notice. She didn’t know about the baby, but figured since I was going back to Texas anyway she’d spill the beans about him and a girl in Finance.”
“So what changed? Why does he want you to come back?”
“Maybe he grew some balls?”
Not likely, thought Mary Louise. “What did he say?”
“He said he misses ‘us’”.
Mary Louise somehow prevented herself from rolling her eyes. If she had a million dollars right now she’d lay it on the table and bet that the girl in Finance had ditched him. All the young girls in the company now knew he was a cheater so were steering clear. If he had grown some balls, they were turning blue and he wanted Carla back for what he needed, not what the baby needed.
“What did you tell him?”
“I told him I’d think about it. I didn’t know what else to say. I was tired. I thought about this baby growing up without a father. It makes me so sad.”
It made Mary Louise sad to think of her daughter going down the same road she had been on for almost forty years.
“You’d consider going back to Seattle, a place you don’t like, to a man you don’t like who cheated on you. What kind of a father would he be?”
Carla just stared at her, lips pursed, not stating the obvious.
“I know, I know,” said Mary Louise. “See? I’m speaking from experience. You’re young. You’ve got plenty of time to meet someone who can be a wonderful father.”
Carla didn’t look convinced.
“Why doesn’t he come back to Texas, then?” asked Mary Louise. She simply could not bear the thought of Carla being alone in Seattle with a baby on the way. Just like with the Pankaj situation, the writing was on the wall. Or because it was Seattle, would it be the gum on the wall? Mary Louise had attended a conference there and a few of them ventured to the Public Market, the original Starbucks, and the Gum Wall, where one day someone had gotten the brilliant idea to start sticking chewed gum on an out-of-the-way wall near the market. It smelled terrible, like someone had smoked a pack of cigarettes, chewed on a bushel of dirty gym socks, then sprinkled it with mint and stuck it to the wall. Awful. Yes. The gum was on the wall, and it stunk.
“I don’t think he’s coming back to Texas. Ever,” said Carla.
Mary Louise decided not to read anything into that right now, although she knew it would be fodder later that day to keep her brain churning. They had told friends and family they were moving from Houston to Austin because Albert had a great job opportunity, but the truth was he had burnt too many bridges in Houston. Had Spencer done the same thing?
“You don’t have to make any decisions today. Or this week or this month. Newborns are hard. Maybe think about at least staying until after the baby is born so I can help you. Sleeping more than two hours and taking a shower longer than two minutes will become very important things to you. Trust me.”
Carla looked at her with tired eyes. Mary Louise knew that once she hit that second trimester, she might gain enough energy to think she could bebop back to Seattle and everything would be fine. Hopefully she would commit to staying in Texas until after the baby was born before that time hit. Please baby Jesus, make it so.
“How about some breakfast? What sounds good? French toast?”
Carla raised her eyebrows and Mary Louise knew she had picked a winner. Soon the smell of link sausages and cinnamon filled the kitchen. They enjoyed their breakfast, discussing the pregnant deer that wandered the property, some looking like they might be having twins.
Now that Carla was awake with a full belly, Mary Louise decided to ask the question that had been nagging her for years. The stakes felt high, but maybe now was the time to begin an honest, adult relationship with her daughter.
“I’d like to ask you something. It’s an honest question and I’m not criticizing you in any way.”
Carla pursed her lips and tilted her head.
Mary Louise looked down at her hands and took a deep breath. Then she held her daughter’s eyes for a moment and said, “Why is it so important for you to always have a man?”
Carla’s brows furrowed in concentration. Mary Louise took that as a good sign.
“I think…I think I wanted to prove that I could do it better than you.”
It was not the answer Mary Louise expected. She met her daughter’s gaze. There was no animosity there. She was simply stating a fact. “And how’s that working out for you?”
“Terrible. I think the problem is, men suck. They all suck.” She patted her belly. “I guess it’s too late for me to become a nun?”
“Probably,” said Mary Louise.
Until a couple of weeks ago, Mary Louise might have agreed with Carla. Heartily agreed with a side of “and they’re all nothing but a pain in the ass,” courtesy of Dottie. But then she had met Dan. He was kind, he was funny, he was smart, and he worked with his hands. Something about a man who worked with his hands and got dirty really appealed to her. Maybe because he was nothing like her father, nothing like Albert, and nothing like the corporate mannequins she’d worked with for several decades. Not exactly a “man’s man” but he felt strong and safe. She still had her guardrails up. Oh, you better believe she was not going to rush into anything stupid.
Carla looked at her mother and tilted her head. “You know, Dan might not suck. He seems like a pretty good guy.”
“Well the jury’s still out on that one, but so far so good.”
Carla smiled, then wrapped her mother in a hug.
“You deserve someone to love you, Mom.”
Mary Louise squeezed her back. “We all do, honey. We all do.”
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