Chapter 22
Mary Louise went into Carla’s old bedroom to strip the bedding for washing and to check the level of dust that had accumulated on the furniture. She rarely went in there. On the very rare occasions someone stayed overnight, they always stayed in Adam’s old room. It had been redone years ago after Adam got married. Adam’s room was the official guest room.
Carla’s room still reeked of teen-aged girl. The posters on the walls would come down. The bulletin board would come down. The twinkle lights on the headboard would come off. Mary Louise didn’t want to spend money on new furniture, but with a little paint and some new bedding, she was confident she could bring the room into the 2020’s. The thought of some retail therapy energized her, and her heart was light as she entered the home goods store.
Carla’s favorite color was purple, but working with that color had zero appeal to Mary Louise. She would select some neutral bedding, and bring in some color with accent pillows and maybe a throw.
Not only did the bedding department have exactly what she needed, most of it was on sale. She plopped the items into her cart and headed for the lighting section. No need for new lamps, but changing the lampshades would be easy. Just a little bigger. Just a touch more modern. Done.
She felt somehow lighter after her session with Cheyenne. In a way it was disappointing to think that so many other people had the same thoughts and similar experiences that Cheyenne could just zero right in on it. She was not a special snowflake. She was just a woman who had experienced some trauma in her childhood. She was a woman who had parents who were so involved with their own issues that they had essentially abandoned their two children to fend for themselves. She had been holding on to thoughts that somehow (impossible) she should have been able to do something to make everything right back then.
In this moment she thought just about herself, how gratified it made her putting together colors and textures and patterns. It satisfied some artistic need deep in her soul.
Happy with her choices at the home goods store, Mary Louise made her way to the home improvement store for paint. She thought a nice sage green would be perfect. The paint selection was overwhelming, but no choice needed to be made today. Mary Louise would select a few samples and then take them home to hold up in the light of the room, which would look totally different than under the fluorescent lights.
She had several samples in hand and was about to select one more when she spotted a familiar face at the front of the store. Dan. She hated that her initial thought was the state of her make-up. There had been some tears at Cheyenne’s, which she’d dabbed with a tissue. She hadn’t checked herself in the rear-view mirror at any point during her journey to the home goods store or here. Were her eyes red or was there mascara in places it shouldn’t be?
Her second thought was that seeing Dan lit her up a little bit inside. A small glow like a sip of whiskey. She was debating whether to go and say hello, make-up be damned, when a woman pushing a cart sidled up next to him and he put his arm around her, leading her and the cart to the checkout. She watched as they chatted with the cashier, her heart sinking with each smile exchanged between them.
She turned her back to the scene, the thrill of finding the perfect shade of sage green now gone. She told herself the sharp feeling of disappointment was simply because her nerves were so raw from the session with Cheyenne. She’d only met him once for goodness sake. It’s not like they were dating or anything. Although he had been on her mind quite a bit.
She grabbed a few more random samples, waiting until she thought the coast was clear. She didn’t want to run into Dan, although he probably wouldn’t even remember her.
Back at the house she dropped the paint samples on the kitchen counter and sat in her favorite chair, missing Pixie a little bit. She decided she had done enough for one day and settled down with the book club selection of the month, Lessons in Chemistry. She loved stories about strong women, and wished she had been stronger in her younger days. After growing up watching The Mary Tyler Moore Show, Mary Louise had always imagined herself in an apartment, “making it after all.” Her career choices were broader than anything her own mother could have hoped for, but still somewhat limited. Teacher or nurse remained at the top of the list, but neither appealed to Mary Louise. She enrolled at Houston Community College taking business courses and typing, figuring she could eventually get a job at one of the large oil companies in Houston.
Instead she ended up working for a Temp agency for a couple of years before being hired permanently at a computer hardware company. The same company where Albert had ended up working in Marketing.
She had only read a few pages of the book when her doorbell rang. She sighed. Probably someone trying to sell pest services or solar panels. She considered not answering it, but then she’d just sit and wonder who it had been. She really needed to get one of those doorbell cameras. Her son had been nagging her about it ever since Albert died.
The side lights at the front door were obscured glass so no one could peek in. She peeked out through the tiny hole in the front door. It was Jerry. Hadn’t this day already been long enough?
She mustered up a smile and opened the door.
“Hello, Jerry. What brings you here?”
“Oh, I just wanted to check and see if you were in need of any snake wrangling services,” he said, wiggling his eyebrows at her.
She struggled to keep her smile.
Jerry held out a sweating bottle of Proseco and said, “It’s five o’clock somewhere!”
It was 4:00 p.m. there. After her recent work with Cheyenne, maybe she had the skills and courage to finally confront the Jerry problem.
“Indeed it is,” she said, opening the door and motioning Jerry in. His grin grew wider as he crossed the threshold.
She led him to the kitchen and opened the cupboard to find a glass. Jerry set about opening the bottle.
“Are you going to join me, or would you prefer a beer? Or something stronger?” She recalled he had a liking for TX blended whiskey, as did her son so she had a bottle in the pantry.
Jerry thumbed the cork off the top of the wine with a satisfying “Pop!” She set one wine glass on the counter and checked the pantry.
“I’ve got some TX, if you’d like.”
“Perfect,” said Jerry, pouring a generous amount of sparkles into the glass.
Mary Louise grabbed the bottle of whiskey and a highball glass out of the cupboard.
“Ice?”
“Yes, please,” answered Jerry.
She put ice in the glass, then poured two fingers of the amber liquid. They traded glasses and Jerry raised his for a toast.
“What should we drink to?” he asked.
“Good neighbors,” said Mary Louise and clinked his glass before he could come up with something else.
She led him to the living room and sat down in her chair. Jerry sat on the couch and took a sip of his drink.
“I’m glad you’re here, Jerry,” said Mary Louise.
Jerry raised his eyebrows and said, “You are?”
“Yes. Yes I am. I think it’s high time we had a talk.”
“I agree!” said Jerry, hope in his tone.
Mary Louise sipped the cool wine. Many of the words Cheyenne had gently spoken to her over the past weeks caressed her brain and she was surprised by how calm she felt. It’s okay to be happy. It’s okay to say no. It’s okay to have boundaries. Listen to your own feelings. Her whole life had been about other people’s feelings. She had wanted to be a good daughter, a good wife, a good mother, a good friend. She could still be all of those things while taking the time to evaluate how she felt about things first. It was a very odd feeling and she struggled not to fall back into the same old pit. It didn’t make you a mean person just because you stood up for yourself and what you wanted. Or didn’t want. That brought her back to Jerry.
“Jerry, you have been a very good neighbor over the years and I truly appreciate how you’ve been so helpful to me since Albert passed.”
Jerry smiled and took another drink of his whiskey.
“You’ve been a good friend, but I get the feeling that you might want more than that.”
“Mary Louise, you understand me so well. That’s why I think we’d make such a good pair.”
Don’t chicken out! Mary Louise told herself. Was there an easy way to let him down? She could use the “sandwich” theory from her corporate days. Say something good. Then say the bad thing you really needed to say. Then follow up with something else good. She looked at Jerry and had a sneaking suspicion that if she tried that on him, he’d tell her she was trying to feed him a shit sandwich. And he’d be right. Plus she couldn’t immediately think of two good things she could use as the bread. Best to just be honest. Rip off the band-aid.
“I don’t,” said Mary Louise gently.
Jerry blinked hard, then seemed a bit confused.
Mary Louise continued. “I don’t have any…romantic feelings toward you. You’re a very nice man, but I don’t see us ever being a couple.”
Jerry frowned.
“But I think we’d make a terrific couple! Plus I’d take great care of you. I don’t mean to be crass, but I have a lot of money, Mary Louise.”
Mary Louise knew plenty of women who would take that into serious consideration, but she wasn’t one of them even given her current financial situation.
“Thank you for pointing that out, Jerry, but this has nothing to do with money. I’m just not interested in getting involved with anyone right now, maybe not ever. I’ve done marriage and I don’t think I ever want to do that again.”
“We don’t have to get married. We could just have a lot of fun together. We could travel. Have you ever been to Paris?”
Mary Louise had never been to Paris and if she ever did go it would not be with Jerry.
“I’m very flattered. Truly I am. I’m happy to have coffee with you, or a drink,” she said, raising her glass in his direction. “I just think it’s better for both of us if you understand my boundaries.”
Holy hell, she felt like she was on an episode of Dr. Phil. Jerry was processing her last statement.
“You’re sure you don’t want to go to Paris?”
“Yes, I’m sure.”
Jerry heaved a heavy sigh. “Well, you can’t blame a guy for trying.”
“You certainly can’t.”
They sipped in silence for a moment and Mary Louise wished she’d had the courage to have this conversation months ago. The important thing was, she did have this conversation and the world did not end. Jerry’s feelings appeared to be fully intact and she felt as if a weight had been lifted from her shoulders.
“What about Rome?”
Mary Louise’s eyes went wide.
Jerry laughed and said, “Just kidding.”
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