9: It's Okay to Get Angry

This is #9 in a series of 40 things you can do to stay married for 40 years.

It's not okay to STAY angry. Work that shit out.

Wait, what?? I'm very justified in my anger. He/she hurt my feelings! He/she didn't listen to me! He/she didn't do what I asked them to do. He/she did something I've asked them 8,245 times NOT to do. He/she blah blah blah.

We all get angry. I'm the Princess of Anger and the Queen of the Silent Treatment. With many things in a marriage, there are two things to always keep in your toolbox. Perspective and time.

No matter how much you want to stay angry, eventually you will cool down. Work on doing it sooner than later. Acknowledge your anger, and hopefully your partner can learn to do the same. Then work on turning it into something else using perspective and time. Was the inciting incident truly something to get and stay angry about, or did you have a stressful day at work or a bad night of sleep and you're easily triggered? From the other side, the inciting incident may seem inconsequential to you and you have no idea why this person has turned into the Tasmanian devil right before your eyes. Try a little empathy. Try giving them some space. That's where time comes in. We all make mistakes. If he/she did something truly "bad," anger is going to cloud your judgement. Get a handle on it before taking action you might regret.

I'm not a psychologist. I don't even play one on T.V. I'm just a lady who's been married for a very long time. I know that anger happens. What you do with it is what makes the difference.